 |
 |
|
ContentLinks |
||
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
PastPoop7/25/2003-Forgive Me Father, For I`m An AssholeOh man do I need salvation. As I sat down to write this piece of shit today, I was wracking my brain for inspiration. A few days ago on the phone, Barnyard reminded me of some of more youthful tales that I had not put to print that would make good reading, so I started penning my memories to Wordpad. It was then that I realized...I'm going to burn for eternity.So as you read this and laugh your ass off, bear in mind I have commited my soul to the Abyss just so you could giggle yourself until you wet your panties. You're welcome.  Reason 1: Cruelty to Animals: When I was 15, I lived on a farm co-owned by our landlord. We had some bulls in the pen, and they were for some jackass who paraded them around liek they were an extension of his cock. Anyway, one of these beasts had a really nasty temper. The fucker was also a Brahma. I loved pissing him off. I used to throw shit at him from a nearby log pile and watch as he smashed his companions with his massive melon.His horns were wrapped to keep fim from injuring anyone, but even blunted, those fuckers bruised the other bulls. It took very little to set him off, so one day I got an idea... I had a CO2 gun and laoded it with rock salt..you know the shit you de-ice the pavement with. Needless to say I used to have C)2 wars with my friends and we'd shoot each other with rock salt and light off bottle rockets too. Anyway, the bull's ass was five feet from the fence, and his massive swinging basketballs were were an easy target. I don't want to go into detail about the ensuing carnage, but that little act of nuttniess caused over $2000 in damge, one bull had to be put down, and the Brahma had to be tranquilized. I barely escaped his rampage too, and spent three hours atop a Ford F-150 while he smashed the farm. I got into trouble...big time. Another time before that, on the same farm, we also had chickens. A few had contracted a fungus that grew on their feet and apparently made them unedible. I know, I don't get it either, but my dad told me to off the infected ones, since they would die from it anyway. I asked how, and with his usual lovely demeanor said to just ace the fuckers. Good enough for me. My friend Andy was over that day, and we went into the shed to find some instrument of execution...ax, shovel, machete..whatever. I found kerosene.... We took the doomed birds up the hill by my house and doused them. I lit them off and booted them. The molotov poultry flew down the hill, wings spread and ablaze. Usually took about a minute or four to croak, but it was funny. Hey, don't look at me like that...ask Barnayrd about his Cloroxed Frogs experiment. At any rate, when I got home I told my Pop mission complete. he asked how I did it, and we told him. After smacking us he gave me a lecture....don't waste his fucking kerosene! Oy! Alright, I don't want to make this too long winded, so I'll divide it up. In three days I'll post part II: Cruelty to Humans, Upon Thine Religion I Piss, and aother evil shit I've done...Until then I burn eternally.... -Insidious_T |
||
 |
 |
|
|
|
Recent Content |
||
|
|
